I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
