I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
