ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's rum buckets o'clock
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
