I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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