Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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