I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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