Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
