even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
