the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
