his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
