so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
