Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
