I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
