worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
