I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
