Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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