I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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