she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
