i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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