brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
