I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
