New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
