I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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