none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
