dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
