U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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