I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
