I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
