U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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