come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
