i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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