if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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