Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
