dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
