and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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