Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
