Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
