Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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