Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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