I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
