I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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