Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
