paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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