He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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