Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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