she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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