Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
