so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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