i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
