girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
