she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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