I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
