I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
