i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
